It's nice to feel celebrated by the people who love you, in a way that is very different from a birthday.
Today I was lucky enough to celebrate my day with my mother and the little people that call me mumma.
We lunched ant my brothers house where he and his wife prepared an awesome feast complete with a 2 tiered chocolate cake.
I was spoilt by my children with beautiful hand made gifts. JD made me a magnet with his photo on it, a beautiful egg carton and "crystal" ring and a grasshead.
Lillian with the financial support of Aunty Lisa, bought me a pot plant ( a succulent), some beautiful resin earrings and a jar of candy.
Now expecting that they would receive no assistance from they father and anticipating no gift at all, I purchased my self a bath robe and at lunch nanny produced a gift bag for L& JD to give me, unbeknownst to me she had added chocolates, a cup and saucer and some body lotion.
But the highlight of the day was Miss L " Aunty Lisa, I know you don't have any kids, but you a special to us" :tear:
I feel truly blessed that I have such a wonderful mother, a beautiful sister in law and amazing children.
I won't lie, in the past I was fearful of doing things alone. It scared the hell out of me.
However, I am slowly developing the ability to go out, alone and feel confident.
Today's journey had a purpose, but as I discovered, the purpose was not were I found the joy.
The joy was in; not having to answer to anyone, not having to ask permission to do things and go places, not having to worry about anyone's needs or timetable but my own, not having to race to toilets for my little people, not having to find food that everyone else likes for lunch and not being asked constantly "are we there yet?" and "can we go now?".
However along with this joy, that nasty little critter guilt had hitched a ride and whispered to me, "You're a bad mum, how can you possibly enjoy being away from your little people?".
For a long time I sat looking at the ocean thinking about that, and I realised; they are safe, they are with their father, the opportunity to share my day with them does not exist and then I felt a sense of relief, I had no reason to feel guilty.
And I went back to the joy, I drank my hot chocolate and ate my spinach and feta muffin and enjoyed the silence and the breeze on my face.