What I Wore Wednesday

Simple Black & Whites today

Rain = Sleep

It's raining.
again.

I don't mind too much.

My drive from home to the hippy hills was slow,
the over cautious driving too slow and the idiots driving too fast.

But once here however I felt an instant sense of warmth and comfort.
I soaked up the smell of lavender and Ralph Lauren, it smelt like him and
I felt at home.

There is chatting in the kitchen down the hall, all music talk, of course,
and sharing assignment marks and grades.
There is a fire in the living room, defrosting weary travellers of the Clocks and Dice First Wives/why do we still work in G-town Bypass. And I have been invited to join for a movie viewing.

But I am snuggled on the Mr's bed listening to the rain on the window
and pondering what rainy day activities we will engage in tomorrow.
And right now sleeping is pretty high on the agenda.
Time to work off some of the sleep debt I have earned in the last few weeks.
It won't hurt at all to be wrapped up in a safe, gentle pair of arms either.

Viva la weekend.

Into the fog

I spend a considerable chunk of my life driving.
Driving for work and driving for love.

Today I set off into the early morning fog,
destine for a work function.

I like travelling.
Its just;
Me,
The road,
My I-pod on the stereo
and my thoughts.

I find this time really useful if I am struggling to
categorise and catalogue information in my brain.
I make mental lists and note in my mind of what needs doing.

I also like to use the time to make plans.
Plans for tonight, plans for tomorrow, plans for the weekend, plans for next year.

The other thing I like to do is sing... really loud.
I am not allowed to sing in the car when I have company,
so belting out some power ballads is always a great release.

What do you do when you're in the car alone ?

Pacific Highway, 7:07am

What I Wore Wednesday Wk1

What I Wore Wednesday

I believe in serendipity.

While downloading pictures from my phone I realised, I take a LOT of pictures of what I wear.

Wednesdays are always filled with mixed emotions for me, my babies head back to their daddy' house, I am one day closer to Friday and seeing my Mr, I get to hang out with friends and pub quiz and eat consistently mediocre pub food and I get to chill with beautiful people at the Naked Bean Open Mic.

What better way to focus my creativity than to combine the 2 and so was born "What I Wore Wednesday"

I am by no means a fashionista, my style is unique and my own, I am widely known to combine vintage pieces with chain store cardis, and jeans with t's. My signature pieces are my accessories.
Don't be surprised if you see the same piece twice or thrice, I am not precious about what I wear, just flamboyant about it.

A preview of things to come:

Soccer Mum

I became a soccer mum.
I didn't want to be one.
I resisted.
I wanted to have a tantrum like a 3 year old.
I don't wear white joggers with jeans.
But it happened.

Today however I got to share a moment with JD
A moment where we both danced like goons in public
and high-fived on the sideline.

His First Goal... followed minutes later by his second goal !

 Making the break away 

 Kicking it in

Victory Dance.

A Mother by any other name

Mothers Day.
It had the potential to be a disaster.

I spent the morning with my mumma.
I whizzed over to her house early and picked her up,
wowed her by ordering coffee via an app on my phone
and amazed her even more when the coffee was ready when we arrived.

We took a slow, meandering journey into the hills.
Chat, chat, chat all the way.
We stopped briefly to peruse a local village market,
where we argued about which of us would buy the bromeliads  in a tea pot. (I won)

We wound our way out of the hills and back to town.
Here the executive decision was made that in celebration of our motherly-ness
we would dine on scones with jam and cream for lunch.
Supplies were obtained and we returned to my house to meet my children.

Miss L and J-Dizzile bounded from their daddy's car
bearing beautiful potted succulents and a marigold.
They were happy to see that I had already spend some time Saturday potting new plants.

We headed to Nanny and Poppy B's house and devoured our
ridiculously sweet lunch treats before again hitting the road.

Laden with bunches of white and lilac chrysanthemums we headed out
to visit the mumma's and nanna's that we no longer share air with.
I was proud of the respect my babies showed as we visited my nanna's graves.
More so I was proud of them, when Miss L noticed the grave opposite my nanna's
shared her surname, even more creepily, this lady also shared Miss L's given name.
We read her headstone and noted that she was born exactly 100 years before Miss L.
Miss L and J-Dizzile were saddened that no-one had visited this lady's grave and chose to share
their flowers with her. I was deeply moved by their generosity and compassion.

I returned my mumma to her home and my babies to their daddy,
and headed to help my Mr and his sister prepare for epic birthday awesomness.
Mr's mumma is turning six-oh and her beautiful family had organised a surprise party!
We decorated the venue, before I crept off for a quick nap, before the party :)
On returning home I discovered a beautiful gift from my previous nights house guests,
a block of chocolate and a mothers day cookie !

Mr's mumma was truly surprised.
The look on her face when she saw her friends was joyous,
the look on her face when she saw her brother from Sydney.... priceless.
The warmth of this gathering was evident, but what was about to become even more evident
was that I had become a part of something wonderful... a new family.
Mr's mumma introduced me to the room full of guests as the newest part of their family.
Not gonna lie, I got a but choked up, a bit misty eyed.
Never have I been so deeply touched and more generously welcomed.

Mothers Day 2013, not the disaster I had predicted, instead a beautiful day shared with people I love.

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid

If I have learnt anything in the last 31 years it is this;
You will find exactly what you need, when you are not looking for it.
The things that elude you do so for a reason, you are not ready yet.
The people that come into your world
are either a blessing or a lesson.
And are sent to make you stronger.

Had you asked me 12 months ago, I would have told you I didn't believe in love.
Well I mean, I believe in love; I love my kids and my family and my friends.
What I mean is that knock your socks off, I am eternally blessed to have you in my life,
you are "the one" love.
That just doesn't happen.

Yeah I am a cynic and a non-believer, it seems terribly sad doesn't it?
It's OK, I'm not sad about it, I just make adjustments to my life accordingly.
For example; I was so disheartened with the concept of true love,
I even stopped photographing weddings.
I could not tolerate the happiness.
The brides with all their gushiness and their voluminous white dresses and perfect hair
and grooms in their crisp suits and cufflinks,  looking longingly into their brides misty eyes - gak.

But something happened to me.

I am changing.
I hear the music, as parts and a whole, he taught me that.
I smell, lavender, sesame oil and damp earth, from sitting still beside him.
I see my faith and beliefs expanding, through deep conversations with him.
I feel contentment and joy, because he shares them with me.
I taste the delicate flavours in the meals that we share, because he sits across the table.

I believe again.

And it is beautiful.

Listening to Shame

Some months ago, I was incredibly moved by Brene Brown's TEDx talk 
"The Power of Vulnerability".

Today, I felt vulnerable. 
I have what Brene calls a "vulnerability hangover"
I had opened myself up, exposed myself.
I felt completely unguarded.
Despite the fact that it was with someone I love deeply
It felt raw. 

Connections bring purpose and meaning to our lives;
I have previously blogged about the connections in my life.
I am blessed that my vulnerability has given me the ability 
to love and be loved wholly.

Today's hangover was fuelled by one thing; Shame.

Shame. 

The I am not's.
I am not enough.
I am not good enough,
I am not pretty enough,
I am not thin enough,
I am not smart enough, 
I am not funny enough,
I am not young enough,
I am not ladylike enough, 
I am not important enough.

ENOUGH! 

Opening up and being vulnerable had bought on this shame spiral.
Why? I thought Brene said that vulnerability is imperative to connection? 
Well it is.
But instead of wading in my shame, looking at it, then walking away. 
I stayed stuck and floundering in my own self worthlessness.
I needed to get out.
I FB chatted my love and he said this:

"its funny how sometimes our minds think about stuff from the past that really doesn't matter at all"

and he was right.
My sense of self worth was being drawn from things that were and things that no longer are.
I am letting go of that.
I am knowing my worthiness.

I am worthy of the love that I receive, I will accept it graciously. 
I am worthy of the happiness I feel, I will seek it and allow it to flourish. 
I am worthy of the joy I experience, I will share it with others.

But what I realised too is that I have to have the courage to be imperfect and to connected with others imperfectly.

"I would walk 1000 miles if I could just see you, tonight"